What about love???

RaynenArrows · Post by **RaynenArrows** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:00 pm

Though I may not have searched deep enough, I have not found anything on the topic of love interests between player characters. 
 
Now let me explain a little. I am a novice writter. I write fantasy and science fiction stories ( no Novels yet...but Im working on ot ) and the Vast has everything that could go into a well written story, theres adventure, excitement, comedy, well thought out characters, saddness, death....but no love, or romance. Not that I see anyway. 
 
Is this something that the players just chose not to do...or is there rules of the server that prohibit such rp? 
 
Personaly...I think it would add yet another level of rp to the game.

goatte · Post by **goatte** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:06 pm

I've seen it, but never had the desire to roleplay a strong relationship with another character. For me, it's too much like having a real relationship of that sort, and it makes me uncomfortable. Others can pull it off, but I know I couldn't do it and be comfortable with it. 
 
goatte (faelar & karn)

Dracharla · Post by **Dracharla** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:18 pm

well, a long time back over a year ago Isendyl had a human "mate" (as they referred to one another) on the server. a fellow guardian of the woods. Without going into too many specifics of the situation, it did not end on a very good note for any of the involved parties. 
 
we were both relatively new players to the vast when our characters became involved. We did not know eachother in real life and the romantic relationship between our characters was purely IC. Ironically we were both engaged in real life. I went into this thing with an attitude not unlike what you have stated, what a great way to add more depth and develop my character. And for a long time it was great. There was always a reliable person to RP with and a steady progression and dependability to your characters development (if that makes any sense) 
 
I cannot speak for others, but I know that I personally enjoy being in charge of my characters destiny. We as players get ultimate say on who and what our character is, that is not to say others do not get to influence it and to help you along the way. The problem with relationships that stem into the romantic is that in the long term those relationships are about two lives becoming one. You are no longer in total control of your character at a certain point. If your IC romantic interest suddenly goes in a new direction, or dissapears, or parts ways with you, it can force your character down a path you had not forseen, or had forseen but did not wish to take them. 
 
That being said our characters are in some ways a part of us, and we form strong attachments to them. they are our creations and we put alot of time and effort into making them what we want them to be, watching them blossom. It can cause great duress to our characters and to ourselves as people when they are forced to change suddenly by something that is beyond our control. 
 
When Isen's IC relationship ended, Isen was forced to change in many ways in a very short period of time. It was a painful process for her, but also as me. I had to drastically reimagine who I saw her as and how I saw her fitting into the vast. For a while I was not sure if I would stay, simply because it was hard for me to stay in character and even enjoy playing Isen. 
 
Ultimately the experience turned into a very positive one for me. Isendyl experienced a great deal of growth as a character, and I was able to eventually move past my negative feelings and use the force of change as a positive step forward. I do not know if everyone has been as fortunate as I in that respect. I know I never could have done it without the support of the community and dear friends. 
 
I know this seems perhaps a bit melodramatic, but we spend a great deal of time breathing life into these characters in game, in stories we write, in daydreaming about them when we should be doing work <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/wink.gif ALT=";)"> and for better or worse we get emotionally attached to them. it is the reality of gaming. While my personal experience was not the best I used it to push myself in my Roleplaying abilities and to develop my character further. 
 
after the trauma of those experiences I have made a decision that none of my characters will ever have relationships that go beyond deep platonic connections. To me it is not worth having to go throuch such an ordeal again. 
 
to my knowledge there is no server rule against it, and ultimately we all as responsible intelligent adults must make our own decisions. I hope I made my point clear while leaving out the specifics of my situation. The boards for me at least are just not an appropriate place to discuss it. 
 
I hope I at least somewhat helped answer your question, if you have anymore please feel free to contact me through PM/tells.

~Dracharla, Bushwhacked Wild Elf 
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 
 
Hello my name is Isendyl and I will be your Meat Shield for the day. In case of emergency please cower! The exits are located directly behind me. Thank you for Flying Pwnge Airways and please come fly with us again!

Saxjamm · Post by **Saxjamm** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:19 pm

I don't do it either. I too feel a bit uncomfortable with it. I like close "relationships" in roleplaying, but not of the romantic kind. Too close to real life, as goatjager said. 
 
The server's policy, as far as I can tell, is that relationships are allowed. There have been more than one pair of characters that were "romantically" involved. However, I believe the ground rules are that things do not become "explicit." I.e.- don't do anything inappropriate... don't emote lovey dovey wovey things in front of all the other characters to that we can all endlessly listen to romantic poetry and banter of the Romeo and Juliet type. Don't go into the area of abuse, etc. 
 
Basically, don't make it visceral. If there's a serious element, keep it private, make sure both players have talked about thoroughly and agree on what they're doing before you proceed... and don't be explicit. That's just me opening my mouth about it though. I don't have the law in my hand. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/smile.gif ALT=":)"> 
 
I'd imagine that it is a good idea when engaging in such roleplay that both players, via private tell, etc., are comfortable with the content and understand what direction the characters are going. In addition, it's probably good to make sure you don't create any artificial attachments or expectations during the whole thing. Avoid misunderstandings, and always remember that you are still just playing a fantasy, action-adventure, game.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 
 
Hello my name is Zato and I will be your Meat Shield for the day. In case of emergency please cower! The exits are located directly behind me. Thank you for Flying Pwnge Airways and please come fly with us again!

randy jordan · Post by **randy jordan** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:19 pm

Adding to what goatte said. It would be something that as a married man, I know my wife would have issues with me playing a character who is professing their undying affection for another. That is where fantasy starts getting too real. 
 
Throw in that I have always felt weird about playing that way, if I don't know for a fact that the player behind the character was female. I guess that is my personal problem with not being able to truly seperate the character from the player. 
 
But to answer your question, I have seen it here. It is not forbidden or anything. Although, as has been said in other threads... it needs to remain clean. AG has made his point exceedingly clear (and I strongly agree) that this is a community where children can participate (often without our realizing it)... and we need to respect them. There are other servers out there, that cater to "adult" themes (ask PW I'm sure he knows which ones <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/wink.gif ALT=";)"> ). 
 
*tosses two more coins in the bucket and slips back into the shadows* 
 
me

RaynenArrows · Post by **RaynenArrows** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 7:32 pm

Im not trying to say that things should go out of taste, I agree whole heartedly on that, as well as the wife having issues as well..heh 
 
I guess the real question you all heve been answering so far, as to why it dosnt happen. 
 
 
<blockquote>Quote:<hr>Avoid Misunderstanding, and always remember that you are playing a fantasy, action adventure game.<hr></blockquote> 
 
 
Butv the problem with that being its a game of rp is it now. And to rp is show emotion....and Love being a emotion, and a strong one, would be missed....IMHO anyway

Saxjamm · Post by **Saxjamm** » Wed Oct 05, 2005 9:02 pm

<blockquote>Quote:<hr>Butv the problem with that being its a game of rp is it now. And to rp is show emotion....and Love being a emotion, and a strong one, would be missed....IMHO anyway<hr></blockquote> 
 
I'm not disagreeing with you. However, I think it's important to remember that one of the primary factors of the game is the action and the adventure involved. The romantic relationships, even the ones I saw between other characters, were fleeting at best. There were moments of cool rp, and then plenty of moments where the love factor was nothing more than a pure convenience. 
 
"Ooh, those two characters are lovers." Usually, the gravity of the situation was hardly felt. Note, I'm not slamming the players or how they handled the situations. It's just that these relationships rarely had an effect on the overall group dynamic. Joe and Jane loved each other, but that didn't really change how our hunting parties worked, how the missions got doled out, or any of that. We all still spent more time being full-time adventurers. 
 
I'm not attempting to discourage romantic roleplay, but I'm only pointing out some of the drawbacks and/or inconveniences. From what I've seen or heard, they can be more trouble than it's worth at times. 
 
For instance: What do you do if your "lover" ends up dying while you're gone. An inglorious death to some accidental goblin match? I know that we roleplay deep emotion regardless of character relationship, but I would argue that "lover" deaths can be a bit more challenging.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 
 
Hello my name is Zato and I will be your Meat Shield for the day. In case of emergency please cower! The exits are located directly behind me. Thank you for Flying Pwnge Airways and please come fly with us again!

Post by **Algernon's Ghost** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 1:20 am

There are no server rules prohibiting IC relationships. 
 
Keep our rules on harassment in mind. Stalkers and harassers will be investigated, and banned immediately if merit is found in any complaint. Also remember to keep private anything that shouldn't be displayed in front of a ten-year-old child.

<hr />The ends don't justify the means. The means shape the ends; you become what you do.<hr />"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty nor security." 
-Benjamin Franklin<hr />

TrooperMaxx · Post by **TrooperMaxx** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 4:08 am

<blockquote>Quote:<hr>It's just that these relationships rarely had an effect on the overall group dynamic. Joe and Jane loved each other, but that didn't really change how our hunting parties worked, how the missions got doled out, or any of that. We all still spent more time being full-time adventurers.<hr></blockquote> 
 
Nor should they, I don't think. IC romantic relationships should not be flashy, IMO. They should not try to dominate situations, at most be an element of them, but for the large part is just something between two characters. And will affect the way they interact with each other, and to a smaller extent, with others, but should not have drastic effects on the server. 
 
I think love is a wonderful thing and that it would be sad if our characters did not have the chance or potential for that feeling. But such things cannot be forced, and love sought to draw attention to ones characters probably isn't really love. Its not about drawing attention and creating a huge effect on the social dynamics of the server, it is a relationship between two characters. 
 
That is the other thing, characters not players... not saying that the two cannot coincide, but things can sometimes have the potential to get very messy if they do. It requires an understanding between the players and a high level of maturity in the separation of your character from yourself if these do not coincide, IC from OOC. 
 
Yes, there is also the potential for loss and pain. You can never truly have loved something if it does not have the potential to bring you such in it's absence or breaking or going wrong. Your character can grow whichever way it goes, but it can be painful. 
 
As I touched on before, love should not be sought for the wrong reasons. In some roleplaying communities players just want to have big flashy Gaian weddings or whatever. I don't think that's what it's about. Always let things develop naturally, with time and earnest growth in the relationship between two characters. Not just a quick, flashy part of some drama. 
 
I guess I've said about enough for now. <img src=http://www.ezboard.com/images/emoticons/happy.gif ALT=":D"> 
 
But lastly, they are out there, romantic relationships among characters in this server. Not sure how active they all have been lately and they are at different levels, but like I said, they should not have a drastic effect on the server, and a lot of the time you may not even know or find out that they are there, but I think it is potentially a wonderful thing shared between two characters. 
 
~Troop

RaynenArrows · Post by **RaynenArrows** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 7:09 am

I agree with Troop in all that was said. 
 
When I spoke of love I ment of a emotional level and not of a physical one. And I realize that it would be difficult to do. But for all the pain and such that could, and most likely would, go along with such a thing WOULD add a new level rp to the server, provided it was done right. 
 
What I see is emotion of all forms, like anger, pride, religious fervor. I see players rp truely awsome comedy as well. But the first question asked of Mace when he was created was "Did you just lose a wife?". 
 
But I think I understand what keeps such rp at bay, their is a level apprehention that stays it. But I ask in all seriousness, if we can rp hate and racism without question, why not the flip side? 
 
*shrugs* Oh well...thats what I get for having a active imagination.

Dracharla · Post by **Dracharla** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 7:14 am

don't mistake my sad saddy face post above as saying you shouldn't go through with it. Thats a decision each of us has to make for ourselves. Isen gained alot out of her relationship, it had very little to do with physical and more with the intensity of such a close bond with another. While there was without doubt alot of negative that came along with it, much of it ultimately served to further push her along her own path. 
 
Its something we each need to decide for ourselves, and something that must be approached with maturity and a desire to make it work. I wish any who desire to embark down this path nothing but the best. Its a rough road for any 2 chars to walk, but it can also be a very rewarding one if you can navigate it well.

~Dracharla, Bushwhacked Wild Elf 
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 
 
Hello my name is Isendyl and I will be your Meat Shield for the day. In case of emergency please cower! The exits are located directly behind me. Thank you for Flying Pwnge Airways and please come fly with us again!

darkspyr · Post by **darkspyr** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 9:22 am

I was a bit overwhelmed by a situation like this about six months ago. A female character attached herself to mine withing minutes of meeting him and got hot and heavy pretty fast. I tried to slow things down IC and I think I just came across as a challenge and that made it worse. Some of the Rp was excellent but I always personally felt uncomfortable. We began talking in Tell's quite a bit and I explained some of my personal feelings about the situation. It did eventually die out, that person is no longer on the server, I hope there were no hurt feelings. 
 
I guess what I am saying is that juvenile love can be painful at best and the RP and dedication and OOC feelings involved to truely do a romance correctly (with no hurt feelings) would be very hard. 
 
My suggestion is that though love can be spontaneous in real life that that sort of thing in this setting would require a lot of proper planning OOC and a lot of commitment IC. 
 
Darkspyr

Post by **Algernon's Ghost** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 1:17 pm

<blockquote>Quote:<hr>A female character attached herself to mine withing minutes of meeting him and got hot and heavy pretty fast.<hr></blockquote>This actually happens quite a lot in this game, on any server: Jill or Jim Noob shows up and immediately starts looking for a love interest. When we DMs see this, it throws up an instant red flag, and it probably should for you too. There are all kinds of reasons a player might do this, and experience has shown us that, sooner or later, it most often means trouble. 
 
One of the less wacked reasons a player might act this way: You'd be surprised how much good equipment a higher level male player will give a flirtatious female character.

<hr />The ends don't justify the means. The means shape the ends; you become what you do.<hr />"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty nor security." 
-Benjamin Franklin<hr />

darkspyr · Post by **darkspyr** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 4:54 pm

I feel so used. 
 
Darkspyr

Amirsyl · Post by **Amirsyl** » Thu Oct 06, 2005 5:14 pm

A similar thing happened to me where a female character attached herself to my original character (Amirs'yl Jaden). I tried to shy away from a realationship instead of being crystal clear that I wasn't wanting to RP a relationship at all with any character. 
 
That was a bad mistake because it ended up getting worse and stranger by the day. It became quite uncomfortable for me. Whenever we were around other characters, I felt like she was trying to pull my character away from others. Or, would be too far focused on mine and not really interact with anyone else. This character constantly wanted "alone time," when I wanted to feel more involved with the rest of the community. 
 
Anyway, I was a sucker and couldn't bring myself to bluntly end the whole thing. I tried to be nice and just go along with it. After a while, it would have been fairly OOC of me to suddenly break everything off I think. This is because I waited far too long to act on it and confront the player. What ended up happening was that Amir was killed by a bandit sorceress one evening while in a party escorting Perado to Vesper. I clearly could have been raised but opted not to, mostly because of what had happened to me. It was no longer fun for me to play him. 
 
Laugh or poke fun if you want. It is funny in a way, but I was incredibly stressed out by all this at the time, about 2 years back I suppose. But, if anything like this happens to you, and you even think it's strange or you don't want to be a part of it, you should be up front with the other player right from the get go. Think long and hard before attempting a "deeper realationship". I'd be wary of anyone that pushes themselves on your character as fast as mine or Darkspyr's. It seems rediculous that harrasment of this sort can happen in a game, but it does. And, it can ruin the fun in the blink of an eye. 
 

-Amir 
<hr />( Keth'ryl Lythar, Katliana Krynn, Sefcik Jada'lyn, & Torgan Brightaxe ) 
 
<a href="http://www.smurfyone.com/nwn/portraits/">Click Here for Portrait Sets</a>

The Vast

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